besided being sad about Onyx, i had a horrible day.

i cried in the courtyard of my school, but my friends comforted me... all but one. my besf friend ignored me the whole day. during lunch, when i saw her she told me she didnt want to be anywhere near me because she didnt want to get depressed too. i wanted to say something, but i didnt know what to say. i cried, and walked away from her.
when i really need her, she was not there. i wanted her to comfort me, but she was didnt.

if she feels that for her own good that she needs to stay away from me, then im fine with that. i want her to be happy, and even if it means to stay away from me.
i still really care for her, and as long as this was what she prefered, then im ok with it. i still love her.

im sad about something else too.
my freaken cousin. he came over for dinner, and we were talking about Christmas gifts. last year i gave my family members each a copied piece of my art, and this year i wanted to do the same, just with completely new drawings. my cousin didnt say anything. (btw, he is like 30, so he drives me places a lot if i need him) i was like, whut??? u dont like it??
and he said he didnt like it at all. he didnt want a drawing from me, he said my art doesnt take time or talent to do.
i almost went on a rant, but i didnt.
so i walked away.....

im tired of people ignoring or not liking me. its happened a lot this week and last week. it suks D>

my trainer, Sarah, called us today while i was at school. on the car ride home, i heard the news...




Onyx is dead.
he is gone.
ill never see him again.
he taught me how to ride,
how to jump.
how to canter.
he has always been my favorite horse.
ill always love him


i was shocked
i almost passed out in the car. i couldnt do anything excpet lean my head back and let the tears flow out. i was shaking, and still am.
i hate death, but we should not fear it. Onyx is better off getting out of this world, he will be in a happier, better place now.


all i want to do now is draw and custom horses of Onyx. i wish so bad i could ride him again, or see him again.
i want to be with him, pet his soft fur, comb through his mane, and clean out his hooves.
i want to ge to a show again, like we used to.
i want to watch my friend ride him,
i want to see him fly over the jumps like he used to,
i want to give him a bath after our lesson,
i want to make him bow while he was drying off,
i want to walk him around,
i want to let him graze,
i want to see him again,
i want hold him close again...

but that will never happen..............

W00H
trying a journal skin

hope u guys like ^^

im going to now atempt a feature

:thumb:138136553:

i finally got to see Sarah!!! my trainer!!! <3 i missed her so much!!!
ok, so about the new barn, its really nice!!!
they have 2 arenas, one for western where it has lots of barrels, and another arena with lots of jumps.
and Bella will be there!!! if you didnt know, i rode her at Ledesma a lot, she was like my horsie ^^ so im very happy she is there <3

i rode a three year old thoughroughbred named Muchacha. she is goofy and cant syand still xD when cantering if i put any bit of pressure on one rein more than the other she would do a flying lead change, and its hard to keep her staright D8

today was her first day jumping!!
we only did poles. Sarah put like three poles piled on each other and i would trot her over them. she refused every time tho, but she is only three and like never jumped before. i fell off three times when she refused. she throws her head down, dead stops, and backs up :/ its so hard to stay on when she does that

she looks just like Onyx too
im so happy to finally be back with Sarah and my friends <3